it's fine

i find that i have covered too much of myself over. i find that i needed to sing when i was quiet and staring at the seagulls that walked around in the back yard. i just want to say i'm sorry. i just want to keep all the noise in my head to myself. someone should push me now, out in the open, out into the street where they hand me loneliness and paint my face. i used to drive into the walls and leave my conscience stranded on the dark stone stairs of the church. now i just fade like i'm supposed to. i just wake up like i'm supposed to. i won't throw any of me into those sharp waters. i'll just sit here, that's all. i'll just sit.