inside the ruined room

i could not hold my arms up any higher. i thought that i should wave but they were too far to have seen me, they were all too far. i wish some people wouldn't come here anymore, like the school children who sit with their mouths open watching the ceiling splinter into my skin and they just watch and listen. if i could feel less, i would start out into the street without my jacket and hope for the rain to sit next to me on the bench where it would tell me that all of my life has been wasted on standing in the frozen fields without purpose. i have stood here with everyone else, only they wanted me to speak louder and i said that i was moving to the sound of the stars as they sprinkled up against the old rooftops and they said that i was messed up and they threw me out into the song because they said "you must like pretty songs" and that's where they left me but i can't sing and i can't dance so all of this, everything is pointless. it makes sense, i make sense. but i don't belong. i don't fit into the yellow. you say it's looking dimmer and dimmer the further down we go. i think you’re onto something.

the roof just fell off

and i stumbled into my house with my white shirt dirty with the smells and the colors of a sadness i picked up somewhere in the road.

when i went to school it was so warm in the hallways and they beat me with their faster shoes and their hearts of linen lined up in the bleachers. i heard speakers from the back of the room talking about candy and all the things i should be doing with myself.

i felt alone when i was sitting in with the band and the drummers kept on drumming and the trombones laid down and all i heard was the sighs of the singers who waited for someone to come and tell them it was their time.

we used to climb up to the train tracks and read each other poetry and i told them all how lonely it could be when all the time i had was wasted on some poor little promises i made when i did not know that i would still be here to keep them. i thought i would break somebody's heart.

i thought there was nothing more to do after this. i thought i would be finished, fold my arms and then turn away.